Åtvidabergs 1-0 Assyriska – [Sack the coach].

By: Luka | September 16th, 2009

We hadn’t won in Atvidaberg in 8 matches previously. We still haven’t. For the realists, this was no surprise. [Sack the coach] Week after week, our chances of promotion dissipate ever-so-slightly. We have gone from clear 2nd to being 4 points away from 3rd. If it hadn’t been for some fairly average form from the teams around us, we wouldn’t even have a mathematical chance. [Sack the coach.] But we still have a mathematical chance. 5 games left. We must win them all, perhaps with the (not so much) luxury of being able to draw one, but only one. [Sack the coach.]

All I can say is that our keeper, Oscar Berglund, is some sort of shot-stopping beast. Our goal difference would be -84 had it not been for his mountainous heroics, saving more shots than Iker Casilas behind a defense consisting of anything but defenders. [Sack the coach.] What worries me more than the global financial crisis causing Setanta sports to go bust is that we only have him on loan from Allsvenskan club Helsingborgs IF. [Sign him permanently.]

In our most important match of the season, our esteemed coach decides to experiment with his lineup like a crazy senile scientist desperately mixing two (or ten) unmixable chemicals together in the lame hope that he’ll somehow invent something the world will remember him by (notoriously or not, he doesn’t really care). [Sack the coach.] Unfortunately for coach Roberth Johansson, as much as we all like you personally, your presence and decisions are synonymous (or inseparable) with this epic collapse in form and terrible performances.[Sack the coach.] Now, being completely rational and not one to jump into hasty decisions, I am going to fall short of calling for the board to sack you, that’s for them to decide.

Goals:
We didn’t score. They did. In the 90th minute. How many goals have we let in at the ends of both the first and second halves? [Sack the coach.] Plenty. In fact, too many to just brush it off as coincidence. It’s a systematic anomaly.

Pictured: Frederik Samuelsson contemplating the finer points of life, such as how he continues to be selected and why are those men in blue smiling collectively? “Surely it’s not at my expense, is it?”

The players may not appreciate it, the coach may be oblivious to it, and the management may take it for granted, but to Zelge supporters Assyriska is, and always will be, the Assyrian team of our dreams and the football pride of Sodertalje.

That is all. [Sack the coach.]