IK Sirius 5-0 AssyriskaFF: Lost count, mind.

By: Luka | August 31st, 2009

I couldn’t watch the match, as some new verification system on the C Sports website would not accept my card details. Assyriska lost 5-0. Need I say more?

Pre-match talk:
“We are disappointed with the effort against Qviding and have been working pretty hard with certain stages of the game this week. Without going into details, it is about following our game plan, to continue to work and not be afraid to play out.

“We expect a tough match, we had clear problems with Sirius in the home match when we won 2-1. We may not have played exactly as we want, but we’ve got it in some matches and we are in the race. Now it is just about driving on.”
– Assyriska assistant coach Peter Eriksson

Line up:
Oscar Berglund – Fredrik Samuelsson, Philip Bergman, Lamin Conateh, Stefan Batan – Petter Furuseth, Andi Tompuu, Dennis Östlundh (C) (Mohammed Mbye 73), Nahir Besara (Tiago Pereira 46) – Eddie Moussa, Xhevdet Llumnica (Mattias Genc 65).

~~Nails in our coffin~~ Goals:
1-0 A Sirius player 45′
2-0 A different Sirius player 51′
3-0 The same Sirius player as in the 51st min 54′
4-0 Are we there yet? 67′
5-0 Can someone call the lost and found office and ask if they’ve found my mind? 76′
~~6-0 Lost count~~

The “match”:
If you can call it that…

Assyriska started well, racking up a number of shots and generally controlling the play by all accounts. In fact, things were all pretty rosy for the first 44 minutes. What subsequently followed can only be described as a horribly-horrendously-harrowingly-diabolically abject collapse of empiric proportions. Imagine the Great Wall of China collapsing, then multiply that by infinity.

An increasingly common and not to mention frustrating trend is our inclination to, upon failing to put our own myriad of chances away, allow our opposition to take the limelight and show us how it’s done. Sirius duly accepted our invitation in first half stoppage time (I feel like I am repeating myself here, but this is another trend which needs abatement – that of conceding late late late goals in either half).

Words cannot describe the atrocity that was the second half – so bad that it would be a blessing to be a Milan fan right now. In fact, who even needs words to understand a 5-0 loss against a team which has been rock bottom for most of the season? It’s an understatement to say that I am relieved I wasn’t able to witness the events of this match.

Reaction:
It was swinging doors everywhere on the pitch after the break. This is the third time this season that we lose big*, and it is obviously not acceptable.
Attitudes of many of the guys are too bad. We must have some character when we are at a disadvantage.
I could have replaced all 11 players.
- Assyriska coach Roberth Johansson.

*Twice against teams in the relegation zone (5-1 and now 5-0).

- Everyone else.

Aftermath
Consistent with my preceding blog, it’s time to prepare the eulogies, call the local paper to dedicate some space in the obituaries, and bid a heartfelt au revoir to our ever elusive chances of returning to Sweden’s premier division.

I can try to utter positive words of encouragement along the lines of there are still 8 games to go and a decent winning streak will get us back into the promotion spots, but for the sake of realism and practicality, we’re screwed. Even, if by some miracle we manage to get promoted, the current state of the squad (and management) is drastically inadequate at every level. Inevitable embarrassment would follow (2005 anyone?) and we would find ourselves back to square 1 (or -1) faster than Usain Bolt when he hears the words random drug test (I didn’t say that at all, I was misquoted).

Oh, and the table looks like this, but it may look infinitely worse in a few hours’ time if you know who is playing who very soon…