Never understimate trolls…

By: Luka | September 20th, 2009

Remember the troll in Lord of the Rings (or was he a dwarf?). How about those disturbingly scary trolls in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory? If television has taught us anything, and my memory serves me correctly, ~~both highly unlikely~~ it’s that you don’t want to mess with them. Not only are they hideous and vertically deficient, but they could probably beat you up quite easily and leave you in a pool of your own blood. Or they could be really cute and friendly like the one in the picture…

FC Trollhättan vs. Assyriska FF Södertalje: Preview

Every preview, it seems, I’m just repeating myself in verbatim. *Insert team name* are coming last/second last/struggling in the league, we need to win at home/away as we are only 3-6 points away from the promotion places. Our next game is against *insert another struggling team’s name* so we have an excellent opportunity to snatch 2nd/3rd place as our rivals are suffering from similarly hopeless form. Basically, it’s been the exact same situation for the past month and a half.

Furthermore, it seems that when the time comes to review a match, I need to summon super-human efforts just to find words to illuminate what really is a prosaic and depressing subject matter (a lack of highlights to the games ever being released doesn’t help the cause). Put in simple words – I’m running out of ways to say what a crap performance, what the hell is the coach thinking and we shouldda won, but didn’t. Concomitantly, writing a blog has really improved my vocabulary, as I learn new and fancy words every day. In fact, I even have a word document on my desktop called “myhecticwordlist” (I kid you not). However, taking a look through it, you’ll notice a significant presence of words generally following the “bad” or “depressing” theme. Basically, other than one spirit-uplifting victory over GIF Sundsvall, all of my blogs have resembled the ending theme of every Shakespeare play – death – that is, the death of our season and it’s promotion hopes.

That being said, and hopefully forgotten, let’s actually preview something…

The actual preview

Look at the table. Now look south. There you’ll find Trollhättan. Last week they commendably drew 0-0 at home to big scary IFK Norrköping. The week before that, though, they were humiliated to the tune of 7-0 away to high flying Falkenbergs. The situation is this, Assyriska: win, win win and bloody win. Just win. Score more goals than them. That’s it. I don’t care if that winning goal is a deflects off the referee’s elbow in the 3rd minute. Just. Win.

Our opponents didn’t even exist before 2001 (they are an amalgamation of two clubs). They are newcomers in the Superettan while we have been here for the best part of 15 years. They are hanging on for dear life, while we are still dreaming of the bright lights of the Allsvenskan. Our only ever meeting against Trollhättan came earlier this season. On that day, Assyriska came out 2-0 winners in a routine away victory. Sadly however, two key ingredients to that German-like performance no longer call Sodertalje home – Marcos Ferreira (”Dinho“) has gone onto pastures new somewhere (to the absolute bewilderment of everyone – why allow your best striker to leave half way through the season?) and Aziz Corr Nyang, who’s transfer has been criticised ad nauseum by every man and his gardener who has any remote interest in Assyriska. Still, other than these two players, it is almost the exact same team (particularly the defense and goalkeeper) who got the job done and should, I stress should, get the job done again with minimal fuss.

Pre-match quotes/cliche talk/perpetual optimism

Coach Roberth Johansson: “For us it is only to unleash everything”

On last week’s titanic injury time collapse (see the horror unfold here) Roberth identified the attack as the problem: “Defense game may be approved, but the attack was too bad. ” He specifically mentioned “stupid decisions in our attacking game.” Take a look at the goal and see who really makes the “stupid decision” (I’m looking at you, Conateh). On how to improve our attack, he said that “We need to establish the attack in the opponents’ half and wait for the right moment.” [Doing this requires technical and creative central midfielders who are able to control the game. Toompuu and Ostlundh simply don't fit that bill anymore unfortunately.] Finally, coach Robbo thanked Assyriska’s supporters, about the only thing this club can be proud of this season. He also mentioned some other cliches but they generally amounted to nothingness.

Trollhättan’s Lars-Olof Mattsson may have also said something about the game…

Team news
Good question. I wouldn’t know. Nobody mentioned anything about this anywhere so I’m going to assume everyone is fit and healthy for the game (with big happy “game faces”)…

Jovial picture to lighten the mood: Dinho , among others, celebrating the opening goal by Ostlundh in the efficient 2-0 victory away to the Trolls earlier this season (winning….something we used to be associated with).

**************
Finally, I’m proud to be able to report the first ever transfer rumour of the Assyriska blog. Lamine Conateh is being linked to GIF Sundsvall, and according to sources (just the one) he is already in negotiations. That would explain his inexplicable last-minute calamities of recent weeks costing us utterly valuable points in the league. Frankly I couldn’t care less if he stays or goes.

Välkommen till Södertälje Arena, Trolls.